Its been a while since I went looking for relief in pain. For some time, I forgot why I used to do so but I remember now. Twisted as it may sound, I find it comforting. I find it soothing.

It's more than apparent now no matter how close you are to someone, no matter how much you mean to them or how much they mean to you, they always find a way to hurt you and half the time, they dont even realize it. So why bother making anyone priority when they only make you an option ? If you believe that 'blood is thicker than water' thing, you should come meet my family. They'll prove to you how untrue that is when it comes to everyday situations.

Doesn't matter anymore. I'll just go back to the 'fuck you all' me. I'll go back to expecting the worst from people. I'll stop caring, I'll stop feeling. I'll stop giving a fuck. This way it's impossible to get hurt cos one day when someone decides to turn their back on you or hurt you which they never fail to do, it won't hurt as much cos you already saw it coming and you beat them to it. Being happy just isn't my thing I guess.

Then she closed her eyes,
found relief in a knife.