I dont want it to be a new year. New year makes me sad. While everyone else was celebrating, welcoming the new year, I was tearing up.

Ive accepted that its 2009 but I feel like Im still living in '08. There were so many things I wanted that didnt happen last year and I feel like '08 isnt complete yet. Im still clinging on to every piece of last year that I can hold on to. I feel like Im leaving too much behind. Last year is nothing but memories now. I swear theres nothing like the end to make you appreciate the beginning.

You know that saying 'photographs fade but memories last forever' ? Well, I dont care what they say. Memories do fade. People forget. Everyone moves on. I wish I was one of those people. I wish I could just put it behind me and get on with my life. I dont know why, but I can never really let go. No matter how much I want to, no matter how much Ive convinced myself that I have, I can never let go.

I didnt make any resolutions this year. Apart from the whole losing weight thing of course but Ive been wanting to do that since forever. My new years resolution this year should be to start letting go. Thing is, I dont think I can. Its like asking a hardcore addict to give up heroin.

I cling on to the past with my entire life, with every inch my heart, lungs and soul. Im not ready to let go of my yesterdays. Im just not ready to let go.

Im not supposed to be this way. Im not supposed to be turning 16 yet. Im supposed to be the care free naive 13 year old girl in her first year of high school who was falling in love with the world and thought the world was in love with her. Im not supposed to be crying myself to sleep.

Im afraid of all my tomorrows. Im not looking forward to learning from my mistakes but fearing of making bigger ones and repeating them. Im afraid of growing up. I know everything changes, all the cities and faces but can we bring yesterday back around ?

What day is it?
And in my mind,
this clock never seemed so alive.
I cant keep up.
And I cant back down.
Ive been losing so much time.